Looking Up

Day 2 and here I am.

I started my day with a walk. I actually have been doing this for a few weeks now and LOVING it. Sometimes it is a run/jog but today was a gentle walk. I meet up with my sister and good friend at the crack of dawn. All our kids are still sleeping at home. It is just us ladies. Ladies who love to chat. ( A big shout out to you two morning mamas....holla!)

Besides us, the streets are quiet. You can hear the birds. There is a peace at this time of the day that is unique. I have always loved it. I remember waiting for the bus as a kid or even better getting up and leaving early for a road trip. The early morning always felt special in some way. Maybe it is the memory of the road trips but I still get a little thrill in the early morn. Like there is a secret I am being let in on while the rest of the world sleeps. I feel the need to talk and step a little quieter .......out of respect. I also have been noticing that I look up more at this time. I literally look up at the sky more. Ever try it? Just take a second to stop, breathe and simply look up at the heavens (how dramatic does that sound...heavens....ha:-) Seriously though, every morning as I leave my back yard and step out my gate I take a minute to look up.The sky is huge and ....quiet. Beautiful. A reminder of how small we really are. It is grounding and awe inspiring at the same time.

Which reminds me....wasn't planning on writing this but....going with the flow today. (BTW~day 2 of the AAHH meditation.....hence feeling the need to go with the flow.....LOVING it and highly recommend it)

Anyway, I think this is worth sharing.......

About a month or so after I had Lulu, I was going for a walk with all the kids. We were walking through the elementary school playground in the back of the school. It is a wide open space. So the two older ones asked it they could go ahead. It was fine with me being that we were the only ones there and I could still totally see them. It was a win win because they felt independent and pretty cool and I got a much needed quiet moment. Just me and the baby in the stroller.  I don't know what made me do it but I looked up. I just looked up. Simple right? I wasn't prepared for what I felt though because looking up at the sky I felt completely flooded with emotions. Emotions I wasn't really sure of . I know there was some gratitude in there mixed with some fear and some joy. I realized it was the first time I had looked up since Lulu was born.

All I thought about at that moment was how big the sky was. It was blue blue and with very few clouds. It looked just so damn big. I had this thought.....The day I had Lulu...the day I almost lost my life...the day that was almost my last.....the sky had been that big, that blue blue and with very few clouds. On that day I was sooo not thinking about the sky. But it was still there. As I was going through the most life altering experience of my life to date with my baby and my family.....the rest of the world continued to go on under that big blue blue sky. If I had not been graced with a miracle that day, the sky would still have continued to be as big and as blue.

Whoa.......all of that in a moment in the back of the elementary school. It was quite a moment for me. All of that.....hit my heart. Reminded me of how small I am in this world but how significant I am to it all, just the same.  I felt protected by the sky. I felt a part of something bigger under that sky. I felt way beyond blessed to be standing there under that big blue blue sky and having my moment.

It still brings so clear to me the fact that life is going on.  It continues to keep moving with or without me. Every morning when we have the gift of waking up, we have a choice. We can keep our heads down OR we can look up. It is our choice. The sky is always there. Today, I choose to notice the big vastness of what is above me. I am grateful to have the opportunity to be a part of it , breathe and say a big fat Thank You.