The Joy of Christmas Cards

The Joy Of Christmas Cards

My younger sister is our personal family photographer. Thank God we have her or there may not have been any pictures of my children up until this point. Our past Christmas cards have been pretty spectacular. This year my sister, Mary Kate, had to work.....a lot and was unable to get her little ass out to the burbs to take one of her masterpieces. The nerve!

So, this left me. ME.

I borrowed a camera and this is what we got.

This is enough inspiration to learn how to use a camera!

What can I say, these are my kids. These pictures kind of tell it like it is. And really......I wouldn't have it any other way.

We did get some more conservative shots too........I swear, we really did.

Celebrating SEVEN

This past Friday night was a big night here. My oldest daughter had a birthday. She turned seven. SEVEN! I still am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she is seven. I have a seven year old! What??? Am I really old enough for that? I mean....... seriously.

Anyway.....she had a birthday party. We had 20 (well it turned into 21 unexpectedly-a whole other story!) kids in this house for a pajama party. It was sort of a pre-slumber party. They are way too young for a sleepover which is her dream party. She has been talking about her birthday party since last December. Every party she went to she would leave saying. "Now THAT is where I want my party!" The American Girl Store was also on her wish list but we would need to take out another mortgage for that one. This whole little kid party thing has gotten a bit out of control.....at least that has been my opinion. They cost crazy amounts of money and they always seem so impersonal to me. You show up to these places that pump out parties nonstop. It runs like a machine. They bounce you from one thing to the next. Its like Hi- activity-activity change- last activity- pizza-sing Happy Birthday- cake- here's your goody bag- see ya! I long for those old fashion home parties we had growing up. Remember playing hot potato and pin the tail on the donkey? I was trying to sell the idea to Eliza for months with no luck until I thought of this slumber party minus the slumber thing. I was able to convince her that this was the next best thing. All the girls would where their pjs, we'd play some games (like hot potato), we'd do a craft, we'd have pizza, and make ice cream sundaes. She was psyched for it and once the invites went out all the little girls in her class were all abuzz. It was the talk of room 12 in Martin Ave. Elementary.Eliza was feeling totally cool and I was totally loving it. This would be so simple and fun and retro and..... awesome.

WELL..................... it was these things. It was also the longest two hours of my life! It was completely and totally crazy, nuts, frantic, loud, out of control, hectic and..... they had a blast! I had one parent show up with a younger sibling in pjs asking if she could stay too. What the hell? At this point what was one more?! I had planned on doing nails and hair, playing those old fashion games, and having it all play out like very very smoothly like all those other parties we go out for except this one would be personal and homey. However, that didn't go over so well. All they wanted to do was dance and jump around and scream and sing. What little girls do. How did I forget that? I have three of my own. How did I forget that this is what we girls are like? The fact that they were in pajamas, it was night time, and they were together was enough to send them over the edge. Add the sweets and close quarters and you have mayhem.

The highlight of the night was when 5 little girls went upstairs to check out Eliza's room and got locked in. LOCKED IN!!!! At first they were all laughing and screaming like little drama queens. It was funny. Then it wasn't so funny anymore. I couldn't open it and they caught on. One little girl, our neighbor who I just adore, says to me, "Um Rebecca?.....We have some criers in here now." I had to call Andy to come home ( he was with the baby at my dad's house). Thank God they only live 5 mins, not even, away. By the time he got it open they were all in hysterics. We had a group hug, they got to be first on line for ice cream sundaes, and all was well in their worlds again. But, me on the other hand, was a bit of a ball on nerves to say the least. Now I can laugh...hard actually, but then I was just stresssssseeeeeddd. Thank God she has friends with cool moms who all just laughed when I told them the story.

It was nuts and all that stuff but it was also a totally rockin pary. Eliza had a blast. I think they all did...... even the prisoners of the Eliza's room. Watching my kid with her all girlfriends. These are beautiful friendships forming. Some she may have for a lifetime. Seeing her in her element. I was so damn proud. She holds herself with class and grace, even at seven. She is a beautiful, fun, charming, kind, ridiculously sweet, loving, and really freakin funny kid. And she is mine. Seven years we have had together. The best seven years of my life. This is a real reason to celebrate. This was a true call for all the screaming, dancing, running, and laughing that went on in this house on this past Friday night.

...........that said............those run of the mill parties out?......the ones you just show up for?....... and leave after two hours without any organizing or cleaning up?............the ones I just need to sit back and watch?......the ones that don't have upstairs rooms with locks!?.........they don't sound so bad............

We'll just need to see where we're at next when she is turning 8. A year may be just enough time of recovery.

Miracles

I missed my opportunity to post for Thanksgiving. I wanted to share about my gratitude. I've wanted to write about a ton of other things too. My kids driving me nuts, my kids making me proud, my kids being, well, awesome and all the other stuff that is just my life. I've missed writing. However, I have been busy " dealing". Yes, "dealing" is what I am calling it. Moving past denial and onto.........all the other stuff that follows. Maybe some anger, some shock, some venting, some HOLY FREAKIN SHIT, WHAT THE F (this blog was intended for my kids) BUT WHAT THE F JUST HAPPENED TO ME!!!!! I don't want to make a big deal or focus on it or live in the past but.....I am having a really hard time processing it all. It was a big deal. It still is a big deal. I am changed. I am different. I need to find a way to fit into myself now. I need to settle in, take a huge deep breath, and know in my bones that I am better for it all.

In the fear of not wanting to be negative or feel sorry for myself, I denied myself the opportunity to grieve. I was trying to "suck it up". The reaction I got from so many was, " Well, you and the baby are fine now right? That is all that matters." And that is pretty much where most conversations would end. I am not blaming anyone for my own denial. First of all, I would most likely say the same thing to someone else. I, myself, would not want to go through the whole story and all the fear and scary stuff that comes with it. I would probably want to focus on the beautiful and positive outcome......if this had happened to someone else I would probably say the same thing. I get it. It makes sense. And more importantly it is the truth. There was a miracle. I am extremely grateful. That is what matters.

Why then........ am I so sad, angry and scared sometimes?

I will be fine one minute and the next have a flashback to the emergency room or hearing the doctors yelling around me or seeing Andy's face as they took me away or hearing my family cry around me or having my girls come to visit me and be too frightened to come near me because I was so swollen and yellow and OH God, the swelling. I can't begin to describe what that looked like, let alone what it felt like.

The thing is..... if I don't do this now I will be exploding somewhere down the road. I started to become extremely irritable and emotional. Andy and the girls can attest to that. It's gonna come out somewhere right? I don't want to push it off until later. I don't want to wait. Life is way too freakin short for that. The time is now.

Best part is........ the "dealing" part is so not as big or scary as I was making it out to be. It is just about being honest. I am good at that. I can do this.

Even better, I am allowing myself to evolve today. I have so much to learn from it all. I think this opened me up. It is like a huge space has been made in my heart or maybe I just wasn't aware of it before. I am beginning to let go a bit more. It is time to let that light out. The time is now.

Watch out my friends........watch out world......... big things people...... .this dealing thing could be the beginning of another miracle.

I'm pretty psyched.